Love Lost 4

It is always hard, but I never understand the reason we love or want to be loved. As a guy I always try to impress the opposite sex, but always end up hurt. It's like I never learn.

Meeting her seemed like a destiny. At first I avoided her like a bad plague. Something in my heart told me it was wrong, but I dived head first like a fool, hoping to break my fall on the hard concrete and survive.

As usual it started off with introductions when we shared a class and she insisted I help her. For some strange reason people think am an egg head, please....I walked her to her destination and all in the well chatted and found we had a lot in common. We became friends on Face book and exchanged numbers almost on the same day.

I smiled and was I felt like the King of a hill. My mind was like "Here we go again". My relationship status was always like a bad record. I meet her, there is chemistry, I am blinded by love (if not lust), I propose (to be my girlfriend of course) she rejects me and I end up in front of my computer writing my trauma to the rest of the world.

True to that cycle, we had fun, we hanged out together, we helped each other in class, I asked if I could woo her, she said yes, but as she was leaving (while I stayed because I still had an exam) she tells me "no". Reason; 'I feel weird'(via a text).

My world stopped. It became dark. I listened to broken hearted songs all night. I could not gather up the courage to text her so told her fine, and left it at that. My roommate noticed. The jovial fellow who was flying high has finally crash landed and needed assistance. It is always good to have good friends because we hanged out during the weekend and they helped me ease the pain.

I always have a tendency to hold a grudge, so I didn't text her, called or talk to her online. Well ok, she had told me earlier she had a boyfriend in another country, but why did she give me hope only to break my 'b...s'. I was frustrated, but like a man hid it from everyone else. Of course there are those who asked, so I quickly changed the subject.

One day I almost had a heart attack. She called me. This when a thousand questions rush through your mind...

“Why is she calling me? Has she not hurt me enough already? Does she want to apologize? Has she changed her mind? Is it her boyfriend using her phone to call to threaten me? What does she want? Should I pick it up? Why? Who..."

We became friends again. I am a real softy.

A few weeks later she is ill and has to go an operation. Like a Knight is superman's attire I ask if I should visit she says no. I felt it was partially my fault, because despite the fact we were "buddies" I was treating her coldly. I tried not to overstep boundaries and talk about things that would remind me...you know, how she felt 'weird' (I have checked all love books and watched all love movies I could find, none ever mention the word weird).

When she came back to school I treated her normally. She was dumped in the friend zone. She also had changed and didn't really have the zest she had before. I saw it as a sign, the mistake we shared classes (adding Indian curry to an injury).

My nightmare was when a spark came back, igniting something I thought I had killed. I became closer, she came close too but as if on cue, left me hanging.

Semester came semester went. This was the coldest of them all, she was busy and so was I. Anything we talked about seemed to revolve around class (The most boring thing I had the pleasure to talk about. If I constantly talk about class to you, you were or are boring).

I finished school, wouldn't you guess it, so did she. However, before we left, I called her for 52 minutes (This should be put in the Guinness World Book of Records. I had never talked to anyone, including my mom for 52 minutes). During that time her highness, explained to me that if she was became single before graduation, I had permission to approach her and ask for her hand in marriage (....still loading).

I was left speechless. Now she had really gone overboard. I was the backup in case she lacked a relevant suitor. I felt so cheap, like I was selling myself for a grain of wheat. At least she was insulting me and I was taking it bent over.

I have never called her since. There is nothing to talk about anyway. We are finished with class, so not unless I talk about the weather (though I would never stoop that low).

Like a spoilt brat as soon as we closed school and she told me happy birthday (I am a January baby) I 'accidentally' lost her number and blocked her from Face book (I call it my defense mechanism). Of course she texted, but I was always 'busy' doing something far more important to allow me to text back.

One fine afternoon as I was dragging my already fat and exhausted body, I saw a figure, shaped, and walked exactly like her. I was thankful I took time to lift my head before she was too close to avoid. I bent my head over and prayed she had not noticed me. She couldn't though because she was with her boyfriend. I was satisfied that now my cold war was worth it to protect my soft heart from ache (panadol cannot help me for that).

Another fine day as I was scrolling through Face book, laughing at people's statuses, I saw her picture. Apparently it is for the year book and she was part of the committee dealing with the graduation (God why? why me?) I had to join the group so that if something changed I could be informed.

Life always loves jokes. No matter how much you try to run from something, it always seems to breathe down your neck. If you try to chase something, it vanishes like a Bugatti at 407 mph along the Dubai highway.

I at times wonder if she still feels 'weird'. We are going to graduate together, then there is the dinner. I have to go. I have been thinking of finding a date, but I would be trying to show off and hurt another person in the process. It will be like me taking poison so that she can die. (Harsh but true).

The government has given men the opportunity to marry as many as they like, but with my love life I am considering being “A Bachelor for Life".