Friend zoned

To say I was expecting it to happen, would be a true statement. I knew you liked me. I knew you wanted to be with me. I knew that you had a thing for me. I knew you wanted to be with me. You already were with me, but you wanted more. You wanted to listen to my intimate stories while we cuddled. You wanted us to send each other silly and romantic messages. You wanted us to share each other, but most of all be in love with each other. You wanted us to stop calling each other best friends and become a couple.

I pretended not to see it. I pretended I did not notice your feelings. The way you hugged me. The way you touched me. The way you looked at me. The way you were always eager to listen to my stories. You liked me. You adored me. In your eyes I could see that you were planning our future. All I had to do was accept your proposal and ask you out.

I did not want us to be together more than friends. I wanted things to remain as they were. I thought things would be weird and awkward if we became a couple. I was always looking for other girls, you were never on the list. I didn’t feel it. I didn’t want to say anything because I valued our friendship. The last thing I wanted was to lose you. I felt too broken, too unworthy to be loved by you. Whenever I met you, I wanted the earth to swallow me up because I could see the shining glimmer in your eye. You wanted me, and everything to do with me.

I was waiting for that day. I knew you had practiced for days on what you were going to do. You used makeup and lipstick. It wasn’t your thing. It had to have taken you hours to doll yourself up. That day you were smiling throughout. I was just waiting for you. Get it over with. I had not planned for what would happen next after you confessed. I didn’t know if I would reject you or accept you. I just knew things would be different from then on. I knew that I would dive head first for you and even start a relationship with you. However, I didn’t feel it. I didn’t want to betray my feeling. I didn’t want to lose you as well. I was torn.

You approached me at the party. I pretended not to see you. You just leapt and threw yourself on me. I reacted instinctively and almost pushed you away, but you already bit my lip. You kissed it with all your might. I wanted to push you away. I decided not to and allowed you to continue. I lowered my hands and watched you as you tightened the kiss. You had put on black lipstick and your breath was hot and sweet. It reminded me of my favorite gum. You knew it of course. For a moment the world froze and you were the only person I could see. You had opened yourself up to me and this was one of the most vulnerable times of your life. I allowed you to continue. I was still confused. You ended your kiss. You looked at me, smiled, then left.